Mary (12 years old) is my daughter's best friend. She has big, blue eyes and blond, curly hair. She is a happy child and is very popular at school. Her parents are divorced and her dad lives in Virginia and unfailingly comes back to Pittsburgh every other weekend to see her.
Last summer, only 2 days after school was over, Mary's mom tragically died from a medical condition aggravated by drug/alcohol use. Everyone who knew her was stunned. This beautiful child was going to have to go through her difficult teenage years without her mom.
As tragic as this situation is, it was kept from being even more so because of the continuing involvement of her father. He took time off from work and arranged for Mary to spend lots of quality time with her friends and relatives before taking her back down to Virginia to be with him. He brings her back every month to visit and her friends have a party for her to let her know how much they miss her. When asked how she was doing, she said "Great! My dad really loves me! But I do miss my school back up here." This has been an extremely difficult adjustment for this child, but because of the love and nurturing of BOTH her parents, she is able to make it through this difficult time.
As sad as this story is, it is hardly unique. Many parents become disabled or die every year. Having two parents gives children a second pillar to stand on when tragedy strikes. The more time each parent is able to spend with children, the less of an adjustment they will have to make when these events occur and underscores the need for maximum custody for both parents. I have shared custody of my daughter and live near her mom. She can go to either house after school and we both participate in her activities and have parties with her friends. If something terrible would come to pass, at least that is one change with which she would not have to cope.