NCFC JanFebMar Newsletter

The 19th annual national convention of the National Congress for Fathers and Children will be held in Pittsburgh from September 23rd to the 25th, 1999. To insure that the convention is a success we are soliciting early registrations from individuals, as well as corporate and individual sponsors. Sign up early!

A registration form is included as a part of this newsletter or sign-up through the internet.

Go to: Annual Convention Registration

LEGISLATIVE UPDATE

The two presumptive joint custody bills, HB 1723 and SB 1489, did not get voted on during the 97-98 Legislature. Therefore, both bills need to be reintroduced. If they are reintroduced, each one will have a new bill number. Representative Mike Veon has promised that he will reintroduce the presumptive joint custody bill and that the bill would be revised to parallel the present Senate Presumptive Joint Custody Bill SB 1489. Senator James Gerlach has also promised to reintroduce a presumptive joint custody bill for the 1999-2000 Legislature.

You need to contact your local state senator and representative to inform them on the importance of these two bills

and how the existing court system allows the judges too much arbitrary discretion. If you can schedule an appointment with your representative to review the importance of this bill and to voice your concern, please call our chapter office to schedule a board member or other NCFC member to attend with you. You can also submit written testimony as the why presumptive joint custody should be enacted in Pennsylvania. Send ten (10) copies of your statement to:

Rep Tom Gannon

House Judiciary Committee

P.O. Box 202020

Harrisburg, PA 17020

Please remember to include a copy of your letter to your local state representative and send us one for our files.

MEMBER SUCCESS STORIES

Mike, a member from Tennessee, saw his children taken away by the mother to the Pittsburgh area where the mother's parents live. Once in Pennsylvania, the mother filed for custody and filed a PFA under false pretenses to short cut the custody procedure process in Allegheny County, Pennsylvania. Mike called some local Pittsburgh NCFC members and asked for ideas and a local attorney. Eli Zlokas represented Mike in Allegheny County Family Division court. Simultaneously, Mike filed for custody in Tennessee with a local attorney there. In a correct yet surprising decision, Allegheny County Family Division ruled in the father's favor that this case's jurisdiction belonged in Tennessee.

In Tennessee, the family court again ruled in the father's favor and granted joint custody with a 50/50 time split and ordered the mother to pay for all travel expenses to and from for the children and granted dad a full 30 day custody time period with the children as a result of the mother's inappropriate actions of removing the children from the state of Tennessee.

The mother has since appealed the jurisdictional decision but has also not showed up for her scheduled 'visitation' times with the children in Tennessee. Mike has been very thankful for the support and information that NCFC has provided for him.

    Howard, a member from a Pittsburgh area county, experienced a two year custody battle. The trial finally concluded this past summer with the court awarding primary custody to him and partial custody to the mother. However, there was a problem. The judge's order was specific about the mother's and father's time with the children for six weeks during the summer, but the order's language for the forty-six weeks when the father has primary custody was vague and unclear. The learned observer would surmise the six week summer schedule would be the converse during the other forty-six weeks.
Wrong! Mother and her attorney took advantage of the order's vagueness by taking the children whenever she wanted. Howard asked his attorney to help solve this confusion. His attorney told Howard to be happy because he 'won'. Howard actually was losing time with his children.
    Howard reviewed his order with some NCFC members. It was clear that the order was not clear for the forty-six weeks when the dad has primary custody about when and who has the children. Howard wrote a motion to request the court to clarify the custody times in the order. Howard's attorney was furious with him. The attorney warned him that he may lose what he won and that he may not want to represent him anymore. In the meantime, the mother filed four custody contempt against the father when he exercised his custody time as per the summer custody schedule in reverse.
    A hearing was scheduled the next week. Howard was nervous because his attorney was telling him to do nothing while Howard and the NCFC members felt that in terms of common sense, the vagueness of the order was the problem.
The hearing started out with an apology from the judge. He apologized for writing an unclear custody order and said that the father was right in requesting a clarification. Mother's attorney asked about the contempt petitions. The judge said to read them. Before the mother's attorney could finish the first sentence of the first petition, the judge slammed his gavel and said, 'Petition denied, next petition'. Each contempt petition was denied. Howard was elated and immediately called his NCFC members to thank them for their help.

    NCFC can probably help you understand your situation, too. However, you need to join NCFC because most members are not attorneys and NCFC helps members through networking with other members in similar situations and circumstances.
    Call (412) 854-4799 to get more information.

MISSION STATEMENT

The mission of the National Congress for Fathers and Children, Inc. is to serve as a national organization, to assist state and local efforts compatible with the goal of assisting fathers to remain actively involved in the lives of their children regardless of marital status. We provide a forum to coordinate local efforts to impact national initiatives and to bring national attention to local concerns of our affiliated organizations and members.

NEW 1999 NATIONAL BOARD OF DIRECTOR OFFICERS

NCFC elected new officers of the Board of Directors at the 1999 mid-winter board meeting held in Las Vegas, NV. The new president is Larry Hellman of Fathers United in California. The vice president is 1998 vice president and former NCFC president, Travis Ballard, Esq. of Adrian, MI. The secretary is Kevin Sheahen, PE, president of the Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of NCFC. The treasurer is 1998 treasurer, Paul Rozeboom, CPA, of Oklahoma.

Congratulations to all.

NEW NORTH HILLS FATHERS SUPPORT NETWORK

Members or fathers interested in joining a newly proposed support and social group can contact Victor Celo at (412) 767-2345 during the day or 767-4182 at night. This group is designed to help us fathers adjust to 'single' parenting issues and to help organize single fathers and non-custodial father parenting time. It is hoped that by combining resources both ours and our children's growth activities can be improved and varied in a positive way.

It is also intended to allow people with the same issues to help each other cope with divorce related problems and anger. These include, but are not limited to, dealing with PFA's, separation anger and a variety of other issues. It can also provide a simple venting avenue when needed and a phone relief network. By sharing similar problems and concerns, it is hoped that a group or network setting can help achieve a better vitality for its members. The group's format will be guided by its membership needs and directional guidance.

Please call for information and to give your input on this proposal.

ACADEMIC ARTICLE

Joint custody: The option of choice.

Research results on joint custody have changed and a consensus has emerged in the psychological literature which suggests that joint custody should be a rebuttable presumption. Twenty states currently have joint custody as either a presumption or a preference. The available literature also supports the following conclusions:

(1) Non-custodial parents are often intentionally victimizedthrough visitation denial, and children are hurt when the relationship with either parent is broken in that manner;

(2) Children adjust much better to divorce in joint custody compared to sole custody situations;

(3) Children's attachment bonds to both parents are essential for healthy development, and those bonds should be protected by the courts;

(4) Joint custody leads to much higher compliance with financial child support obligations

(5) Mothers are much better adjusted and supported more in joint custody situations;

(6) Litigation and relitigation is lower in states which have a presumption for joint custody;

(7) Joint custody is the preferred option in high conflict situations, because it helps reduce the conflict over time-and that is in the best interests of children.

Source: Abstract

William N. Bender. "Joint Custody: The Option of Choice." Journal of Divorce & Remarriage. Vol. 21(3/4) 1994.

The author is an Associate Professor in the Department of Special Education, College of Education, Univ. of Georgia,

Athens, GA 30602-7152.

Nepotism in Allegheny County Domestic Relations Section

Judge Max Baer is the Administrative Judge of Allegheny County Family Division. All of the judges and employees report directly to him. Recently, he has hired one of his relatives, Barbara Baer, to head the support enforcement section of Allegheny County Family Division.
If you feel this is inappropriate practice for a 'neutral and fair' court system, please file a complaint to the Judicial Conduct Review Board at:

Judicial Conduct Board

225 Market Street

Harrisburg, PA 17101

or call: 717-234-7911 to request a complaint form.

United Way Check Off Code Number for NCFC

It is that time of year again when the United Way will make donation drives at your place of employment. The Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of National Congress for Fathers and Children's Donation Code Number is 9614. Remember this number when your company is seeking United Way donations or send your contribution directly to the United way of Allegheny County and use the 9614 donation code. Thank you for your generosity.

Pittsburgh Chapter Meetings

Our chapter educational meetings are open to the public. There is no fee to attend and you do not have to be

a member to attend. When are our meetings? It is easy to remember.

Our meetings are always the second Saturday of every month from 10 a.m. til noon.

Location: Bethel Park Municipal Building

5100 Library Road

Time: 10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.

Parking: Free

Directions: Take Route 51 South to Route 88. Turn right to BRIGHTWOOD. Turn right on Brightwood to

Library Avenue. The Municipal Building is just across the Trolley Tracks.

Upcoming Educational Meetings

January 9, 1999 ; Tax Considerations for Divorce

February 13, 1999 ; New Relationships

March 13, 1999 ; Modifying Custody

Recent Meetings

The October Meeting featured Kevin Sheahen. Kevin discussed the appellate process in Pennsylvania. Kevin has been through the PA Superior Court for custody appeals on two occasions and on financial matters for three separate appeals. Kevin has also petitioned the PA Supreme Court on his quest for shared custody.

Local Board of directors were elected at the November meeting. Winning a seat on the Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of National Congress for Fathers and Children Board of Directors were Brad Fish, Dr. Michael Nieland, John Gorman, and Harry Smail. Existing Board Members include Jim Carmine, Doug Jones, Marc Peters, Tim Santimyer and Kevin Sheahen.

Pro Se Help

Help in understanding Pro Se motions is available on most Tuesdays from 6-11:00 P.M. Topics such as custody, visitation, support, equitable distribution, divorce, discovery and appeals can be reviewed. We have to restrict this service to members but you can join when you come in. Call the office (854-4799) for an appointment.

THANKS FOR A JOB WELL DONE

Marilyn Porta, Alberta Mattingley and Tom Tully all deserve a big thank you for the help they have contributed to answering desperate telephone calls from parents and grandparents. These volunteers give their time and listening skills to members, future members and non-members to assist them in guiding them to better their personal situations. If they cannot help, they are equipped with referral names and numbers for the need that arises. Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of NCFC and the callers thank you, too.

Just as a note of correction, Alberta Mattingley is still active and is helping people everyday. She has overcome personal tragedy greater than anyone of us has been confronted and she still finds time and energy to help other people.

GENDER BIAS IN OUR COURTS

By: Perle Harbour

Our legal pendulum swings to yet another extreme. Gender bias runs rampant in our family court system. In the 1960's women, fought hard to get laws passed to protect women against domestic violence. It took many painful years for our legal system to recognize women as victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence, stalking, and sexual harassment laws were passed and enforced to protect "true victims." Many women lived through domestic violence; many died. Some went to jail for homicide; some were later pardoned. We, as women, finally got society to recognize violence against women.

Shame on all those women of the 1990's who now use these laws to their advantage in family courts to bring men to their knees; and to erase fathers from the lives of their children! False allegations by women of child abuse, domestic violence, and stalking are almost never questioned by judges for fear of being politically incorrect. Women who feel justified in punishing men use these false charges indiscriminately. Children are forgotten and have become our newest victims with full cooperation from our Family Court system. Children need fathers too.

A recent US Department of Education study, "Fathers Involved in Their Children's Education" (free for a phone call - 1-800-424-1616, option 3) will bear out these truths. Women have become educated in the ways of our legal system. A new study purports women are filing 70% of divorces today. The first person to file usually wins. The unfortunate person against whom false allegations are charged must prove their innocence while a plaintiff proves nothing. As a paralegal and a woman, I am no longer proud of those of female gender who abuse our legal system.

An innocent father involved in a nasty contested divorce from a woman who vows vengeance is helpless in Family Court. Important child support laws enacted are now strictly, and sometimes unfairly enforced. There are stories of fathers who lost their jobs from downsizing and/or circumstances beyond their control. When the mother of his children insists on back child support, he is thrown into jail. Child support is based on his "earning ability." Debtor's prison has become our most recent politically correct means to control men.

Here again, our Family Courts condone whatever women allege, accuse, and dictate to control men. Should a husband make the mistake of remarrying, further angering his ex-wife, a second wife's income is used as "a way to show ability to pay." The mother of their children, on the other hand, can marry another man. The "other man's" income is never used to lower child support. Court's rationale - "they are not his children, not his responsibility." Since when did a mother bear no responsibility for her children? Today's women are earning more, and are becoming a majority in our workforce. The stay at home mom of the 50's rarely exists today. I knew of a man who ended up paying so much child support (plus child expenses) he had to move back home with his parents. Yet his ex-wife earned more than he did.

False allegations of child abuse by a vengeful ex-wife devastates not only children, but fathers. The wife files first to take advantage of all laws passed to protect true victims of abuse and violence. The wife charges everything from domestic violence to stalking to child abuse. Courts almost always believe a woman over a man today. I know of a man who was falsely accused of child sexual abuse. By the time he was found innocent, he lost his job, his reputation, and everything he owned.

Recent statistics do show women are becoming our primary child abusers, and yes, even killers of our children. Yet our Family Courts consistently believe, "the mother always makes the best parent."

Some mothers today emotionally blackmail and intimidate their children into fabricating abuse by their father. I know a man who fought two years to get custody of his son from a proven mentally ill mother who abused their son. Each time the court insisted "the mother is the best parent." A large number of children are ordered to see a child psychologist when divorce is filed. Counselors and psychologists are encouraged by our system to give bad reports against a father. Fathers are automatically presumed capable of abuse before any mother.

Mothers are intentionally denying visitation to loving, child support paying fathers, who then spend money and time in court trying to get visitation enforced. I know a man who hasn't seen his son in 14 years, but religiously pays his child support. He stopped pursuing visitation in court when the mother threatened harm to the son. Is this fair? Why is there no press on "intentional denial of visitation"?

One of the saddest true stories I know of is a little nine year old boy who was put in a mental institution by his mother until he stopped saying, "I want to see my daddy." There are too many stories of children committing suicide. I personally know of a woman who kept her teenage son up night after night crying about her divorce, repeatedly telling him "children ruin marriages." Her son turned to drinking, drugs, and dropped out of college.

Divorce is a reality. It is currently a billion dollar a year business. Contested divorce is guerilla warfare whether people want to acknowledge it or not. Everyone wants fuzzy warm answers to harsh reality. There are none unless we all recognize the gender bias against males perpetuated in Family Court today, and the undeniable damage it does to our children.

Years ago women had a disadvantage in our domestic courts. Now they can feel quite happy knowing most women win. They can manipulate child support into "backdoor alimony," deprive their children of their fathers, and ruin their husband. Truth no longer exists in our legal system. Yes, we have come a long way. Women can be proud of the laws they fought hard for 30+ years ago. I am personally grateful for these laws. Let us not blaspheme those women who died for the very laws that many women are abusing today. We must stop abusing these laws, or one day our legal pendulum will swing back and our true victims will not be believed again.

You think you are beating men? You are beating yourself; destroying your children; and making the racketeers in our legal system rich. You are creating a generation of children who think love is conditional and possessive; who learn that violence by proxy and misuse of the law will make you a winner.

I will never be associated with any "feminist" movement which advocates false allegations, destroying children, and eliminating good fathers. Let's remember that it is children, not women who are the real victims of the gender bias in our family courts.

This article has been reprinted with the permission of the author. Pearle Harbour is the author of Guerilla Divorce Warfare. Pearle is also scheduled to speak in person at this year's National NCFC Convention held at the Holiday Inn Green Tree from September 23rd to the 26th. Please plan to attend and meet her in person. She will be glad to autograph your copy of her book.

1999 NCFC National Convention

'Preserving the Promise of Fatherhood'

Please register early for the 1999 NCFC National Convention to be held at:

Holiday Inn Central/Green Tree

401 Holiday Drive

Pittsburgh, PA 15220

(412) 922-8100

The 19th annual national convention of the National Congress for Fathers and Children will be held in Pittsburgh from September 23rd to the 25th, 1999. To insure that the convention is a success we are soliciting early registrations from individuals, as well as corporate and individual sponsors.

Supporting Organizations Include:

National Congress for Fathers and Children, NCFC's Pittsburgh Chapter, Michigan Chapter;

Joint Custody Association; ACES Chapter of Pittsburgh

Tentative scheduled speakers include:

Perle Harbour, author of Guerrilla Divorce Warfare
Jim Cook, President of Joint Custody Association and a board member of National Congress for Fathers and Children
Kathleen Parker, syndicated author for the Orlando Sentinel
Robert Hirschfeld, JD, Pro Se advisor with NOLAWYER and board member and founder of National Congress for Fathers and Children
Larry Hellman, President of National Congress for Fathers and Children
David Burroughs, Chairman of Forum for Equity & Fairness in Family Issues
H. J. Koehler, IV, Esq., NCFC board member and family law attorney in Beverly Hills, CA

Other speakers that are not confirmed will represent family law issues, the importance of fathers in children's lives, pro se seminars, legislation topics and children in divorce and paternity situations.

Copy the form below and mail it to our office listed below:

Name:_______________________________________

Address:_____________________________________

____________________________________________

Tel. #: (____)_________________________________

e-mail address: _______________________________

Please sign me up for:

1. Individual Registration:

_____ $75 Before May 1, 1999

_____ $85 Before July 31, 1999

_____ $95 at the door

2. Saturday Evening Dinner and Keynote Speaker

(Name to be announced)

______ $35 per person

3. Corporate Sponsor for speakers:

_____ $ 500

_____ $ 750

_____ $1,000

_____ Other Amount $___________

Please make checks payable to "NCFC" and mail to:

T. J. Bellaire, 1999 Convention Chairman

37 Seneca Road

Pittsburgh, PA 15241

(412) 343-2955
(412) 835-1362 Fax
1-800-543-6323
(KID-N-DAD)
1-800-SEE-DADS
pghdads@aol.com
http://www.trfn.clpgh.org/ncfc
http://www.lni.net/tjeb

NCFC, founded in 1981, is the longest-lived fathers rights organization having a membership-elected board of directors. To learn about the practical educational and organizational help offered the men's movement by NCFC, see: http://www.ncfc.net/ncfc

Initial individual membership is $85.00. Renewal is $50.00 annually thereafter. NCFC is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization.

We need YOU!!! Your children need you, too!!!

Please join by one of the following methods:
Use the automated application, using credit card, at http://www.ncfc.net/ncfc/howjoin.html
A downloadable, printable application form is also available at that site, if you want to mail it in with a check.

Or, call NCFC, having your credit card ready, at our California Office: (909) 369 9383
Pittsburgh Office: (412) 854-4799
Michigan Office:
Florida Office:
(Please note, only the California office can process a credit card order)

Email: ncfc@primenet.com

Subscribe to NCFC Newsletter:
subscribe-ncfc-network@egroups.com

Subscribe to NCFC Forum (discussion):
subscribe-ncfc-network-forum@egroups.com

Snail Mail:
NCFC Headquarters
9454 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills CA 90212

Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of NCFC
37 Seneca Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15241

Michigan Chapter of NCFC

Florida Chapter of NCFC

Membership may help you and your children. But if you're reading this, you probably also recognize that we must help tomorrow's fathers, too. Please join NCFC!

Harry F. Smail, Jr.

Attorney at Law

A complete general practice. Divorce, support and custody matters (a true Father's Rights Advocate).

Also, wills/estates/trusts, criminal matters, contracts, business planning, incorporations, real estate.

Call: (724-836-2040) Fax (724-836-2041)

WE NEED YOU!

We need volunteers to help specifically in the following areas:

1999 National NCFC Convention committee members to help plan and prepare for the 1999 convention in Pittsburgh
Newsletter editor to write and format our quarterly newsletter and to seek advertising space
Newsletter mailing person to attach the labels, stamps, sorting the quarterly newsletters
Answer telephone calls at your home from desperate and interested people
A grant writing person to submit grant proposals to foundations and community groups
Press release person to notify the press and the public about our upcoming activities

In addition, our NCFC chapter's board of directors election will be at this November's educational meeting at the Bethel Park Municipality Building from 10:00 a.m. until noon. If you are a current member of NCFC and would like to be considered for a position on our board of directors for a two year term, please call Kevin at 854-4799. The board meets every month for a two hour meeting. The chapter officers are elected from the board members at the November board meeting. If you are interested in affecting change and helping others, please consider running for a seat on our board of directors.

Please call Kevin at 854-4799 to volunteer your services or if you have any questions about any of the above positions.

CHILDREN WANT DADDIES

By Kathleen Parker

Commentary

Published in The Orlando Sentinel, November 17, 1998

I'm the first to admit, I've been an idiot at least half my life. Others apparently are committed to remaining idiots all their lives and to writing me long, insulting letters.

One who comes to mind is ``Dr. Mad,'' a Colorado obstetrician-gynecologist who wrote recently to condemn me for numerous offenses, including my annoying tendency to proffer unpopular opinions, particularly those deemed contradictory to WomanThink. Dr. Mad specifically was angered by a column in which I questioned the wisdom of voluntary single motherhood a la Jodie Foster.

``Not only am I surprised that a woman would voice such an opinion, but your opinions themselves belittle a woman's strength and ability to raise a family,'' said Dr. Mad. ``Who are you to make such judgments and to opine that such women and families constitute an `American Tragedy'?''

Concerning the issue of how a woman -- versus a man, presumably -- could voice such an opinion, recent research indicates that women do, in fact, have brains, which sometimes produce opinions at variance with others of the same sex.

As to the question of who am I, specifically, to make such judgments, the answer is: I'm a columnist. That's what I do. Ob-gyns deliver babies and artificially inseminate wonderful women who want to become pregnant without the nuisance of a man. I write opinions, which, unpleasant as this sounds, involve making judgments.

As for all those women who think they're ready to become parents and don't need a man, I stick to my original verdict: American Tragedy.

The column in question is worth rehashing, given this woman's letter. Even well-educated people apparently are clueless when it comes to what children need.

Focus, now, and breathe deeply: Children want daddies.

What I wrote wasn't precisely about Jodie Foster. She was merely a convenient vehicle for illustrating a larger point. In fact, as I said before, I like and admire Jodie

Foster. What I don't like or admire is our tendency to worship anything a celebrity does, even when the action is not a great idea for the teeming masses.

The impetus behind the column was a People magazine cover featuring a beaming, pregnant Foster and the headline: ``And Baby Makes Two,'' which produced in me symptoms resembling morning sickness and this thought: Why, when fatherlessness is a national crisis, are we celebrating single motherhood?

Not single motherhood as results from divorce or death, but single motherhood that results from a voluntary decision to get pregnant, give birth and rear a child without a father. It can be done, but should it? Dr. Mad indirectly answered the question with one of her own: ``As a single, successful, 34-year-old woman, I am faced with the difficult question as to whether my desire to be a parent is stronger than my aversion to being a single parent. I was once married, and my husband cheated on me. Because I chose not to tolerate that behavior and left him, should I now be precluded from having children?''

The word that leaps off the page, of course, is``desire.'' That's the operative motivation behind most things these days, including bringing fatherless babies into the world.

I desire, therefore I will.

What Dr. Mad and other aspiring single mothers don't realize is that wanting a child isn't enough. Yes, a single woman can certainly be a good mother. But a single mother can never be a good father.

Kathleen Parker's column is distributed by Tribune Media Services. She welcomes your views and suggestions. Mail:

The Orlando Sentinel, MP-6, P.O. Box 2833, Orlando, Fla. 32802-2833.

Most-wanted Christmas gift: Custody of kids in the morning

December 21, 1998

By MELISSA M. JANOSKI

Times Leader Staff Writer

WILKES-BARRE -- In legal jargon, they are "the Santa years." For some divorced parents, arguments concerning who gets the kids for the holidays make judge's black robes as much a part of Christmas as Santa's red suit. The biggest battleground: Christmas morning.Most custody agreements spell out holiday schedules, but many parents quarrel anyway. It is getting more frequent as fathers become interested in spending Christmas morning with their children. The battles can wreck longstanding plans, run up legal bills and break hearts, said one couple who asked that their names not be used.

Although there are no statistics, county custody lawyer John Eichorn estimates that visitation disputes at the Luzerne County courthouse increase by up to 25 percent in December. Judge Chester Muroski, who handles almost all family law matters, said he keeps his calender clear the week or so before Christmas, saving time for holiday "blowups." The county's two custody masters, lawyers who try to mediate disputes before they get to Muroski, double their schedules in December. For one couple, this is the fourth Christmas since splitting up -- and the third to be the subject of a court battle. They are still going through the divorce and asked that their names not be used. Their custody order requires their young sons to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in their father's Luzerne County home on odd numbered years. On even years, they stay with mom in the out-of-state home they share with her. The worst was the first Christmas. The boys were to spend Christmas Day with their father. As the holiday neared, mom balked, and they ended up in court. "Right after the separation, I couldn't face Christmas without my boys," she said. Muroski sided with the father. "I broke into tears, of course," said the mother, beginning to cry at the memory. To the father, it seemed an attempt to get him out of the boys' lives. "It's unfair that someone can go to court and ruin your relationship with your children," he said. The couple's schedule is an exception to Muroski's rule. When asked to decide visitation schedules, the judge usually awards Christmas morning to the custodial parent. The non-custodial parent gets visits on Christmas Eve or the afternoon of Christmas Day. There are exceptions for when a parent lives far away.

That's an unusual philosophy, said George S. Stern, an Atlanta divorce attorney and president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Most judges order parents to alternate Christmases, giving both their share of Christmas mornings.

But Muroski said his guideline gives children the important gift of stability and predictability. He said it also helps cut down on the competition between parents to make Christmas morning spectacular.

Another rule: Muroski almost never talks to a child about the holidays. Interviewing children would "put them smack in the middle," he said. Speaking with children is sometimes necessary in custody cases, but isn't worth it in holiday disputes, he said. He also frowns on children spending several hours on the road on Christmas Day. Most disputes are settled before they reach Muroski, who urges parents to stay out of court. Lawyers and mental health professionals agree that's often the best way to avoid hurting children.

Wilkes-Barre attorney Arthur Silverblatt said parents who set holiday schedules outside the courtroom are usually the happiest. "They feel they have their fingerprints on the deal and they feel they've had more input into what happens. When people go into court, it's all about losing control."

Advice for divorced families on avoiding holiday heartache: Unless one parent is abusive or unfit, children do best when they share holiday festivities with both parents, said Mary Pat Melvin, a licensed social worker. That is often overlooked by "immature" parents who focus on themselves instead of the children, she said. Don't spread children too thin, said Judge Chester Muroski. Trying to please the many adults in some complicated family trees is stressful for children, he said. Too many events in one day can be a problem.

A sign in Muroski's office reads: "Notice: lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part." He tries to make time for last minute crisis, but said parents should communicate with each other and settle differences long before a holiday. Usually, visitation disputes aren't police matters, Attorney Peter Paul Olszewski. Don't call the cops if your former spouse doesn't get the kids home in time for Christmas dinner. Instead, go back to court after the holiday and ask for a contempt citation. The exception: the rare cases in which Muroski asks the police to help enforce an agreement.

1998 The Times Leader

REASONS TO OPPOSE JOINT CUSTODY

Some people's 'reasoning' to oppose joint custody in favor of sole custody: Probably the most common excuses or reasons used to deny joint custody are the myth that 'joint custody bounces the kids around' and that because the parents supposedly cannot cooperate, there cannot be joint custody.

First let us discuss the frequency of exchanges question. Attorneys who have testified against joint custody have used reasons such as 'the kids will have to have two toothbrushes', 'the children will have to have two pillows' and the 'kids won't know where their tennis shoes are'. (Amazing reasons to deny the children one of their parent's involvement when it is proven that children need two involved parents) When in reality, even with partial custody, the kids still have two toothbrushes, two pillows and misplace their tennis shoes. The industry's real reason to not want joint custody is directly related to a potential loss of business on the litigation of custody.

Now let us talk about the number of exchanges or 'bouncing around'. If frequent exchanges are bad for the children, then, the greater amount of exchanges is not in the best interest of the children. According to Judge Baer, Administrative Judge of Allegheny County Family Division, 'liberal visitation' for the children to be with their non-custodial parent, is defined as four and half days per month, or every other weekend and one night during the week for two and half hours. This equates to 12 to 14 exchanges of the children between parents per month. With a one week with mom and one week with dad parenting plan, there are 4 or 5 exchanges per month. The alternate week parenting plan thus provides one third the amount of exchanges or 67% less disruption as opposed to Judge Baer's 'liberal visitation'.

What about the non-cooperation question as it relates to joint custody? First let's review the 'Baer Bind' principal. Jim Carmine, a member of our Board of Directors came up with a good acronym for the way Allegheny County Family Court handles custody complaints. Jim has labeled this phenomenon the "Baer Bind" in honor of the Administrative Judge Max Baer. Jim's association with the name "Baer Bind" with Judge Baer comes from public statements made by Judge Baer and by Judge Baer's own decisions. The "Baer Bind" is an old-fashioned Catch-22 that destroys children and parents. If a parent, usually the father, legally requests shared custody of his children, the father will be denied shared custody because the fact that he filed for shared custody indicates to the court that he cannot cooperate with the other parent, usually the mother. However, if the father does not legally request shared custody of his children, then he too, will be denied shared custody because he did not ask for shared custody.

According to Pennsylvania's custody policy, it is incumbent upon the court to determine non-cooperation fault when one parent is not cooperating. However, the Pennsylvania judges are not following the custody policy of this Commonwealth. The judges have instead taken the 'easy' way out by labeling BOTH parents uncooperative when the custody issue is forced to be decided by a judge. The result is the judges reward the custodial parent to not cooperate by denying the non-custodial parent shared custody.

In the present system of custody determinations, the court expects the parents to not cooperate and the judges usually order custody to one parent and partial custody to the other parent. The result is the court system and the families get just that; non-cooperation between parents. Included in that result of non-cooperation are intense, expensive and drawn out litigations for custody where one parent wins and one parent loses. The children become collateral damage.

Why not expect parents to cooperate and reward those that do cooperate? After all, that is what Title 23, Chapter 5303 of Pennsylvania's General Policy for Custody Determination dictates. The parent most willing to provide continuing contact between the child and the non-custodial parent is the parent who should have custody and that both parents have a right to the responsibilities of child rearing.

Joint custody, therefore, more closely follows the present statutes of Pennsylvania than what the courts and judges are ordering today. Contact your local state representative and state senator and tell them that you support HB 1723 and SB 1489 and that you want them to vote for the passage of presumptive joint custody in Pennsylvania. It is in the best interest of the children.

SERVICE FOR MEMBERS

We offer our members a service to help them understand custody issues. If you are in the Generations program, call the office prior to your 2-hour mediation session. We will meet with you and walk you through the custody issues that will be raised in the mediation. This service, like all others is available to all members, male or female. Call the office (854-4799) for an appointment.

ADVOCACY GOALS

The National Congress for Fathers and Children is a coalition of organizations and individuals who support fathers' rights, men's rights, and divorce reform in North America. We seek to advocate and with one voice to encourage:

Public support for the vital role of fathers in the growth and development of their children
Joint/shared custody
Equality in child custody litigation
Enforcement of children's rights of access to both parents
Equitable financial child support guidelines, orders, and enforcement
Affirmation of men's rights to choose traditional or contemporary masculine roles in life, family and society
Equality of men and women free from discrimination and gender bias
Greater accessibility and fairness in courts and other forums for dispute resolution

'JOINT CUSTODY, NOW THAT'S CHILD SUPPORT'

Bumper stickers that say 'JOINT CUSTODY, NOW THAT'S CHILD SUPPORT' are available if we can gather enough donations for them. Don Hank, a fellow fathers' rights comrade in Lancaster County, has printed these bumper stickers before. However, he needs financial assistance before he can print up another batch. Please send us a donation for these bumper stickers and we will forward your donation to Don and mail you two to put on your car. Call Kevin at 854-4799 for more information.

OTHER SUPPORTIVE GROUPS

Florida's Chapter of NCFC 1-888-SEE-DADS
Citizen's for Family Unity; Dave Henry 344-2352
The Coalition for Fathering Families; Larry Davis 731-4639
ACES; Association for Children for the Enforcement of Support 732-0425
National NCFC Membership; 1-800-SEE-DADS
Fathers Rights Association of New York City; 914-788-2824; email at: franysnyc@aol.com

FALSE ALLEGATIONS AND PFA'S ARE USED

TO GAIN CUSTODY ADVANTAGE IN COURT

The head of a federal committee examining Canada's child custody laws says some women falsely accuse their spouses of abusing their children in order to get custody in divorce proceedings. Well, this is also happening in Pennsylvania and Allegheny County.

To bolster their claims of allegedly abusive husbands, some women take refuge in women's shelters. Is the fact that a person spent a night in a shelter mean that person was abused or battered? Should not there be valid and reliable evidence that abuse has occurred? Is the husband a witch and he must be burned at the stake? Is this a reenactment of the Salem witch trials? Or are some shelters creating a problem that is larger than it really is?

Today, a mother desiring a divorce (70% of divorces are filed by the women) can obtain a PFA (Protection from Abuse Order) based entirely on her perception of her relationship with her husband. Some family law lawyers and employees of these shelters know how to 'spin a tale' to make the abuse accusation sound convincing. These tales of pain and torture then become part of a court order, or PFA. Custody of the children becomes a part of this order. The Allegheny County Generations Program is bypassed. The result is the status quo of custody now becomes established and the burden of proof to change custody is placed upon the other party. And what a burden it becomes. The average cost of a custody litigation, even if the abuse allegations are unfounded or dropped, is $25,000, one and half to two years duration, and the lost time with the children being with one parent.

The false allegations made, usually by the mother, and the PFA filed, becomes a win-win situation for the mother. Not only has she seen her ex be humiliated by the system, but she has forced him to pay large legal fees, seeing him lose his relationship with his children, she has gained custody of the children and the accompanying 18 years of tax free income and she will not be punished. The courts will not sanction her for false testimony, on the contrary, she is rewarded with the support monies.

However, the children are the bigger losers and the mother, lawyers, judges and shelter employees are oblivious to their interests. The children lose one parent, they live the conflict that litigation creates, they question the truth that the false allegations raise and they lose the financial resources that are poured down into the domestic relations storm sewer.

I want to clarify NCFC's position that domestic violence is terrible. People who live in a truly abusive relationship need help, their children need a safe and loving home and the abuser needs help, too. However, in many instances and situations that I have seen and experienced, the term 'abuse' has been abused.

This is why a presumption of joint custody is so important to parents, children and the court system. If there was truly abuse, then the documentation and verification could be obtained. Otherwise, both parents would be treated as parents and not one as a guardian and one as a visitor.

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Send to: National Congress for Fathers and Children
37 Seneca Road
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15241

Current Volunteer Officers of NCFC/Greater Pittsburgh Chapter

President Kevin Sheahen (412)854-4799

Vice President Joanne Scheafnocker

Treasurer Doug Jones

Secretary (Position vacant)

Asst. Secretary Tom Tully

Current Board of Directors of NCFC

Jim Carmine Ph.D. John Gorman

Brad Fish Dave Scott, CPA

Doug Jones Kevin Sheahen, PE

Michael Nieland, MD Harry Smail, Esq.

Marc Peters Joanne Scheafnocker

Altoona Division (814) 944-5879

Volunteer Staff

Press Information Kevin Sheahen

Telephone Answering Alberta Mattingley, Marilyn Porta, and Tom Tully

Newsletter Editor Kevin Sheahen

NCFC Legal Advisor Tom G. Eddy, Esq.

MEMBERSHIP INFO:

Please call 412-854-4799 or use the application on this page or call 1-800-SEE-DADS.

A 140 page national manual and sections of Pennsylvania's custody statutes is included in a membership package. You also become another voice for equality in family courts. Membership is tax-deductible.

THE BEST PARENT IS BOTH PARENTS!

Greater Pittsburgh Chapter

National Congress for Fathers & Children

37 Seneca Road

Pittsburgh, PA 15241