As a little girl, Liz Sheahen hated birthdays and holidays,
especially Christmas and Thanksgiving. That's when her parents found
the best reasons to fight.
By the time she was 4 and her brother 7, her parents had filed
for divorce. And it's while living with her mother, who had sole custody,
that Liz said she was always made to feel guilty about her father. If Liz
wanted to visit her dad or chat with him on the phone, she said her mother
always showed disapproval.
"She'd get mad at me," she said.
Once, at 13, Liz spotted him and her stepmother in the grocery store
and hadn't seen him for two weeks. She wanted very much to say hello,
but when she asked her mother's permission, the woman held her back and said no.
`At one point, based on some of the badmouthing she heard at home, Liz, now 19,
told her father that she hated him and didn't want to see him again.
"When I was younger, I hated my dad, because of my mom and stuff she told me.
It came from both sides, but my mom definitely did it more," she said.
Some experts say Liz, a Bethel Park resident, was experiencing "parental
alienation syndrome," a highly controversial theory that many parents are using
as an argument in court to win custody of their children.
WHAT IS IT?
Parental alienation is based on the notion that when a child fears or rejects
one parent, the real culprit is the other parent, who has corrupted or coerced
the child. Recommended treatment is to severely limit the "brainwashing"
parent's access to the child and award custody to the other parent, which some
fear could lead to abusive parents gaining custody. The concept was introduced
in the mid-1980s by child psychiatrist Richard Gardner, who described it as a
"disorder that arises primarily in the context of child-custody disputes."
A study printed in the 2006 Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that of
97 participants surveyed, almost all of the parents felt the alienating parent
engaged in some form of badmouthing behavior against them and nearly half felt
the parental alienation was severe, the most extreme type.
'MANIPULATIVE MOMS'
Eventually, Liz moved in with her father, Kevin Sheahen, president of the
Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of the National Congress for Fathers and Children,
who said he spent more than $100,000 trying to get shared custody and even
brought in a parental alienation expert. His ex-wife, who couldn't be reached
for comment, got the children.
'MANIPULATIVE MOMS'
"You get these manipulative moms who use the courts and the kids to get what
they want. That's one of the fallouts in parental alienation, using the kids
against the dad," Sheahen said.
The use of parental alienation as a courtroom defense has been encouraged
by many fathers-rights groups, raising concern among victim's advocate groups
and battered women's shelters, which say parental alienation has become a
widespread, leading defense in many custody cases where a mother has accused
her husband of abuse.
Kathy Morrison, senior attorney for the Pennsylvania Coalition Against
Domestic Violence, said parental alienation is a circular argument that's
difficult to prove because it's made up. Rather than figuring out why a
child is upset or angry at one parent, she said the theory automatically
assumes it's the fault of the other parent.
Heated debate over the concept hasn't stopped courts from awarding custody
to parents who use it. A 2004 study of battered women in Massachusetts
involved in custody litigation found that family courts often ignored risks
posed by abusive men in awarding custody and visitation. The majority of the
cases involved the judge granting joint or sole custody to the abusive male
ex-partner, and parental alienation was used in nearly every case.
'A LOT OF FRUSTRATION'
Jill Marsilio-Colonna, executive director of the Beaver County Women's
Center, said often when the center receives telephone calls from women
facing child custody issues, there's a desperate woman on the other end of
the line with no place to turn.
An abusive spouse or a father is using custody as a threat. He says if
she leaves him and takes the children, he'll make everyone think she's
crazy to win them back. He's employed; she's not, and she doesn't have
money for an attorney.
"We hear a lot of frustration," Marsilio-Colonna said.
Victim's advocates say clouding up child custody battles with the
parental alienation defense doesn't help matters. Marsilio-Colonna
said the syndrome is nothing more than "pop psychology," and Morrison
calls it "domestic terrorism."
"It's wrong," Morrison said. "It happens across the country, and
it's something we've seen more often than you'd like to believe."
WEIGHING BOTH SIDES
By law, Pennsylvania courts have to consider each parent and
adult household member's violent or abusive conduct, either past
or present, when deciding custody cases. Courts must also consider
which parent is more likely to encourage contact between the
noncustodial parent and the child, as well as the child's preference
and anything else that might impact the child's well-being.
Morrison said judges and custody evaluators aren't trained
to understand domestic violence, and in many cases, battered spouses
have experienced backlash when they brought up abuse, she said.
A growing movement among lawyers, advocates for battered spouses
and embattled parents, seeks to have parental alienation banned as
a factor in custody cases.
In Beaver County, Marsilio-Colonna said she hasn't seen any
evidence of county judges accepting the argument.
"I'm pleased to say we haven't seen that our judges are buying i
nto that parental alienation thing," Marsilio-Colonna said.
A REAL ISSUE
Although Sheahen, like many fathers-rights advocates, is
quick to speak out against domestic violence and abuse, he believes
parental alienation is real.
So does Tom Tessaro of Wexford, who said his children will barely
speak to him because of it. As a result, he said he hasn't spent any
significant time with his three boys in four years.
"It's a lot like losing your children, but you feel so helpless...
No matter what I do, it seems at this point, my kids don't want to
have anything to do with me," Tessaro said.
"It's abusive to the kids and to the parent, and I think it's
amazing our culture is letting it occur," Tessaro added.
Sheahen said his children also experienced it at the hands of
his ex-wife, but today, his child lives with him and has come to
realize everything her mother said about him was a sham. Sheahen
couldn't help feeling crushed years ago when Liz told him she
didn't want to see him. But Liz said "that's what I was taught
my whole life.
"It really does mess with your head," she said.
Kevin Sheahan said he understands.
"I knew it was because of parental alienation ... that wasn't
her talking," he said.
Larissa Theodore can be reached online at ltheodore@timesonline.com.